If you are a Shonda Rhimes “Scandal” fan, you are very familiar with the character she created named Jake. If not, I will give you a short bio and description of his role in hopes that this blog entry will make sense to you. So here goes… Jake is in love with the main character, Olivia who is in love with another man. Jake is well aware that Olivia loves this other man but he is there for her every beck and call. When she needs someone to talk to, she calls Jake. When she needs someone to save her, Jake already has a rescue plan in action to implement. When she needs someone to fulfill her sexual desires, he is her “Side Chick.” There is nothing that could stop Jake from loving Olivia or stop him from continuing to give himself freely to her. Jake has almost died because of Olivia. Jake’s wife was murdered because of Olivia. Jake knows she is in love with another man and still stands by her side.
So now, we know Jake. On paper, Jake sounds weak. But why is his fan base so strong? I’ll tell you why… Jake’s fan base is so strong because his life is relatable. So many people can connect with his situation because they are living a similar situation of their own. So I go back to my first question… ARE YOU JAKE? No one wants to admit they are but I will. “I AM JAKE.” You can confide in me. You can rely on me. You can trust me. You can have me when you want me but when I need you, I CAN’T have you! Knowing that I can’t have you, does that stop me from trying? Does that stop me from being there for you when you need me? Does that stop me from giving you my heart, my mind, or my body? NO. No, it doesn’t because I am Jake and I know my role to play. My role is to stay in the background until my presence is requested.
So my next question after admitting “I AM JAKE” is “am I content with being Jake?” If I were to say, “I don’t mind not being a priority”; if I were to say, “I like it when you don’t return my phone calls or text messages”; or if I were to say, “only come to me when you need me;” I would be lying. Therefore, I’m not content; I’m settling. I have convinced myself to believe that as long as I have a portion of your attention it’s better than having none at all. One of Jake’s infamous lines to Olivia was, “we both know in the end, you are not going to choose me.“ His words manifested. He did not tell Olivia, to choose him. He let her know he was content with her choosing the other man AND that he would still be there for her. Jake’s life worth is dependent on the wellbeing of Olivia. So “NO”, I am not content with being Jake. I want happiness too. I need to know that another human being does not depict my self-worth. I am worthy to be loved. I am worthy to be made a priority.
So we have made the revelation that Jake is content. But if YOU aren’t content, what moves are you going to make to shift from being Jake? I thought I found the answer once. I figured that treating them the way they treated me would show them that I was more than just a Jake. It seemed like a good idea but didn’t work. I was left even more confused on why they didn’t want me. My absence didn’t faze them.
When someone is ready to make you a priority they will on THEIR time. I could not force this person to give me more attention or make them see the value I was to THEIR life. My only option was to leave THEIR life completely.
Jake continued to express his love for Olivia in hope she would eventually see he was there for her unconditionally. What Jake failed to realize is when love turns to lust, its time to let go. So if you are a Jake, like I ONCE WAS, hear me when I say this… YOU ARE WORTHY! YOU DESERVE AN INDIVIDUAL WHO MAKES YOU A PRIORITY! IF YOU GIVE LOVE, YOU NEED TO GET IT BACK.
DON’T BE JAKE!
So now, we know Jake. On paper, Jake sounds weak. But why is his fan base so strong? I’ll tell you why… Jake’s fan base is so strong because his life is relatable. So many people can connect with his situation because they are living a similar situation of their own. So I go back to my first question… ARE YOU JAKE? No one wants to admit they are but I will. “I AM JAKE.” You can confide in me. You can rely on me. You can trust me. You can have me when you want me but when I need you, I CAN’T have you! Knowing that I can’t have you, does that stop me from trying? Does that stop me from being there for you when you need me? Does that stop me from giving you my heart, my mind, or my body? NO. No, it doesn’t because I am Jake and I know my role to play. My role is to stay in the background until my presence is requested.
So my next question after admitting “I AM JAKE” is “am I content with being Jake?” If I were to say, “I don’t mind not being a priority”; if I were to say, “I like it when you don’t return my phone calls or text messages”; or if I were to say, “only come to me when you need me;” I would be lying. Therefore, I’m not content; I’m settling. I have convinced myself to believe that as long as I have a portion of your attention it’s better than having none at all. One of Jake’s infamous lines to Olivia was, “we both know in the end, you are not going to choose me.“ His words manifested. He did not tell Olivia, to choose him. He let her know he was content with her choosing the other man AND that he would still be there for her. Jake’s life worth is dependent on the wellbeing of Olivia. So “NO”, I am not content with being Jake. I want happiness too. I need to know that another human being does not depict my self-worth. I am worthy to be loved. I am worthy to be made a priority.
So we have made the revelation that Jake is content. But if YOU aren’t content, what moves are you going to make to shift from being Jake? I thought I found the answer once. I figured that treating them the way they treated me would show them that I was more than just a Jake. It seemed like a good idea but didn’t work. I was left even more confused on why they didn’t want me. My absence didn’t faze them.
When someone is ready to make you a priority they will on THEIR time. I could not force this person to give me more attention or make them see the value I was to THEIR life. My only option was to leave THEIR life completely.
Jake continued to express his love for Olivia in hope she would eventually see he was there for her unconditionally. What Jake failed to realize is when love turns to lust, its time to let go. So if you are a Jake, like I ONCE WAS, hear me when I say this… YOU ARE WORTHY! YOU DESERVE AN INDIVIDUAL WHO MAKES YOU A PRIORITY! IF YOU GIVE LOVE, YOU NEED TO GET IT BACK.
DON’T BE JAKE!
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